


I've Got A Little List

by angelholme



Series: Music Appreciation [6]
Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Doctor Who (2005), Game of Thrones (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV), The X-Files, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelholme/pseuds/angelholme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Lord High Executioner (Severus Snape) warns future Fanfic writers about pitfalls to avoid in writing stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got A Little List

**Author's Note:**

> Over the last two weeks, I have been listening to A LOT of Gilbert and Sullivan, and it kind of seeped in to my brain.
> 
> All characters belong to their respective owners, and the original song belongs to Gilbert And Sullivan.

_Hogwarts - The Great Hall. A stage is set up at the front, with lights pointing at it._

_After a few moments, John Watson, Edward Cullen, Amelia Pond, Dana Scully, Daenerys Stormborn and Walter Blythe walk down the hall and up on to the stage, forming a line._

JOHN WATSON (walking forward) : My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen - pray be upstanding for The Lord High Executioner.

_The audience jumps to their feet as Severus Snape, dressed entirely in black, sweeps down the centre aisle and walks up on to the stage. He walks to the middle of the stage and faces the audience._

_(The music starts up, and Snape starts to sing in his usual tone)_

**Severus**

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,  
I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list  
Of society offenders who might well be underground,  
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!  
There’s the authors who write clichés that are tired and overused  
All people who write plots twists that leave you so confused,  
All authors who write crossovers with timelines that are wrong  
Or those who misname characters, like Lunu or Cho Chong  
And all newly writing authors - on reviews they do insist  
They’d none of ‘em be missed—they’d none of ‘em be missed!

**John, Edward, Amelia, Dana, Daenerys and Walter**

We’ve got ‘em on the list—we’ve got ‘em on the list  
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed—they’ll none of ‘em be missed.  


**Severus**

There’s those who worship canon and who shove it in your face  
And all the other types resist - I’ve got them on the list!  
And the people who say Albus/Tom just doesn’t have it’s place  
They never would be missed - they never would be missed!  
Then the people who read stories then just whine and bitch and moan  
And really only comment in a most sarcastic tone  
And the people who refer to the Time Lord as “Doctor Who”  
And who write that most annoying thing - the girl named Mary-Sue  
And that singular anomaly, the self insertion fic  
I don’t think it’d be missed—I’m sure it’d not be missed!

**John, Edward, Amelia, Dana, Daenerys and Walter**

We’ve got them on the list—we’ve got them on the list  
And I don’t think they’ll be missed—I’m sure they’ll not be missed!

**Severus**

And sites that ban the topics that might cause some mild offense  
And on that they do insist - I’ve got them on the list!  
"House Elfs are not enslaved - at least that is our defence"  
They’d none of ‘em be missed—they’d none of ‘em be missed.  
And those authors who will tell you that the tale’s not plagiarised  
Despite the fact the truth is there before your very eyes  
And people who dislike your ship so tell you you’re a fool  
And those who rag on Twilight just to try to look so cool  
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,  
For they’d none of ‘em be missed—they’d none of ‘em be missed!  


**John, Edward, Amelia, Dana, Daenerys and Walter**

You may put ‘em on the list—you may put ‘em on the list  
And they’ll none of ‘em be missed—they’ll none of ‘em be missed!  



End file.
